


My North Star

by Winterwonder1492



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Ambitious But Rubbish, Drug Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, May Parker (Spider-Man) Dies, Sexual Tension, This Is STUPID, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 12:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20488913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterwonder1492/pseuds/Winterwonder1492
Summary: Peter is in the dumps, que Michelle to the rescue





	My North Star

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this trash

Falling in love is never fucking easy, Peter learnt it the hard way 

Falling in love at any given point in time is not feeling like you’re on a roller coaster and your heart switches with your stomach, no. Falling in “love” is crying on nights when everyone is asleep, its retching in the public restroom trying to look like the models from vogue, its losing your natural curls for straight hair, its fixing your crooked teeth for the perfect ones. Falling in love is going through all these and realising that the worlds definition of love is not what your definition is. Falling in love is accepting yourself for all your flaws 

Falling in love is waking up one day at 22, looking in the mirror, smiling and accepting the person looking back at you. 

He cried…no he wept as he finally recognized himself, this was him for life, this was how he would look for as long as he would live

His legs gave out beneath him as he wept 

“Baby” she cooed as she rushed to hold him, to finally celebrate with him the joy of accepting himself 

“Michelle” he clinged to her like she was his life line, more tears made their way down his cheeks 

“Michelle…I th-”

“shhh its ok, its ok. I’m proud of you…for finally accepting yourself” she brushes his hair out of his face, his curly hair… she kisses his forehead and holds his hands as he breaks down in her lap, not in sorrow but rather for the first time in years, in joy. 

<>

At 2 years old, peter parker was officially the cutest kid in the world, with his adorable smile and his constant giggling. His aunt may, uncle ben and his parents were all wrapped around his little pinkie. At the sound of a whimper, everyone was there to see who caused it. At the sound of a thud, everyone was there to see if he was hurt 

At 2 years old peter learned what love was 

<>

At 4 years old he said his last goodbye to his parents… he remembers the day as clear as a mirror. 

Him holding onto his Bunny Bear and his mom trying to stop his tears from falling, in his childlike mind, he knew something wrong was about to happen

“mommy, please don’t go” he cried out, hugging his moms leg with one arm and his bunny with the other 

Mary looked flustered, leaving her baby home for the first time 

“peter honey” she crouched down “I… have to go, just need to deliver something…then I’ll be back I promise” she wiped away his tears, making a pathway for more 

“but mommy” he let his bunny down and lunged at her, clinging to her like an octopus 

“peter” Mary looked up to may, ben and her husband Richard who took pity on her 

“hey little man” he crouched down to their level and grabbed the bunny that was long forgotten behind peter 

“no” peter mumbled “daddy leave me too?” he asked as an afterthought

“no no no” he took peter from his mother “daddy and mommy just need to deliver something for Santa and tell him you’ve been a good boy so he can give you the iron man toy” he carried his son and stood up 

“action figure silly dad” peter said, sounding a bit happier, wiping his tears on his sleeve 

“oh silly me, action figure of course” 

“so you and mommy will talk to Santa to get me the iron man figure?” 

“yep”

“and then you will come here”

“yup, as simple as that little man” his father kissed his forehead and placed peter on the floor, he looked up to him mommy and walked up to her

“mommy, take bunny bear, so you don’t get sad when dad is talking to Santa” he thrusted the toy towards her 

She held her hands to her face, mimicking the perfect shocker face 

“really?” she asked 

“really” 

She took the toy and kissed his forehead one last time before the trip 

“bye peter, I love you” she stood up to hug her brother and her best friend may. Richard carried peter for the last time

“bye little man, I’ll see you in 5 days” he kissed peters forehead and tickled him 

“daddy” he giggled as he wiggled around 

4 hours later, peters first form of love had blown up, living behind memories no one would replace 

<>

At 7 years he met ned, a true best friend. Everything he ever wanted. 

They built together (Legos) destroy things together (Legos) and grimaced through aunt mays food together 

Ned was amazing 

Peter was amazing 

Life was good, even though he would never see his parents again 

Aunt May and Uncle Ben were also amazing

<>

At 11 years old, he lost his uncle, the second father figure he had. 

Ben was shot, in front of him. They were walking one moment and the next moment someone was holding a gun to his uncles’ head

One sound was all it took 

Ben went down and so did his heart.

<>

At 14 he was bitten by a radioactive spider that gave him spider powers. 

At 14 he met tony stark 

At 14 he became Spiderman and at 14 Flash had finally gotten through his brain with his tormenting words 

So…at 14 peter parker was a superhero, a victim of bullying and a very smart kid 

<>

At 15 he walked into his apartment and found May laying on the couch. To any other person, this looked like she was taking a nap except he was a superhuman now and he could hear a lot of things normal people couldn’t hear. 

May didn’t have a heartbeat. He felt numb dialling Tony starks number, he felt numb when he saw ton burst into the apartment while he had taken a sit at the foot of the couch and held mays hand, with some form of hope that this was all a joke and she would breathe and tell him about her co-workers’ and about her day at work 

He felt numb when the paramedics came to take his Aunts body away 

He felt numb when Mays coffin was lowered into the ground next to Bens body.

He felt absolutely nothing when tony guided him to the car, to his new home in the avenger’s tower

At 15 peter lost every single family he had and lost the people that meant the world to him. 

At 15, people was numb to all positive emotions and only concentrated on the negative emotions 

<>

At 16 peter had scars on his thighs and stomach, he never slit his wrists because that’s where everyone looks to see if you are depressed 

While most guys his age were out partying, even ned was out partying, peter spend his evenings retching out his dinner and spitting at his image. He also spends a good 30 minutes erasing the footage from FRIDAYS memory so she wouldn’t tell Mr stark 

At 16 peter lost his virginity to random guy in HYDRA after he was captured on a mission

At 16, peter learned the new meaning of torture 

<> 

At 18, peter came home to find MJ, of all people, on his door step, waiting for him 

“what are you doing here” over the years, he had matured and hardly had time for any fun and games or even any jokes (as Spiderman) people thought he was just becoming an adult and maturing but the truth was…he had given up and it showed…

“I came to see you” she said

“well you’ve seen me so goodbye” he opened his door, how she had managed to let the avengers open the door to her would be a mystery he would solve later 

“peter” she walked into his room 

“what” he dropped his bag on the floor and turned to her 

“I- Ned and I are worried about you” she said, keeping her emotions in check so he wouldn’t see how his behaviour was affecting her. His room was stripped of everything and it was just bare 

“stop worrying, I’m fine” he turned his back to her and rampaged through his drawers, looking for something 

“peter-” she tried reaching out, he moved away from her like she was some sort of disease

“I said I’m fine… it would be best if you left though, I just…need my daily nap” he gave her a smile, an empty one

“ok” she paused “if you need help, you can contact us” she said, trying to appear less caring 

“ok” he waited for her to leave before he locked the door 

“FRIDAY, disable all audio functions from this room and make sure tony does not get in here”

“may I ask why” the Irish voice sounded scared for him…if that was even possible 

“I need to do my homework”

“ok peter”

“mute” 

He grabbed the needle and filled it with heroin and injected himself with it. Even as a superhuman heroin still affected him. He took another syringe and injected himself some more, he sighed falling onto his bed and relaxing into the haziness his mind took him to. 

His metabolism kicked in and the induced high feeling was gone, he grabbed a chair and climbed into one of the vents, seeking his hidden stash of the Asgardian mead thor had brought last Christmas. He had managed to hide some in his water bottle so no one would suspect a thing, plus everyone thought he was an angel.

He took his remaining heroin and injected himself then drank the Asgardian mead and laid in bed as he waited for the high to hit him and for his mind to forget all the problems 

At 18 Peter Parker overdosed heroin and narrowly missed death with the stunt he had pulled. Mixing Heroin and Asgardian mead 

At 18 Michelle Jones feel in love with Peter Parker. 

Tony broke down the door to find peter on his bed unresponsive. Dr cho got the surprise of her life when she examined peter and saw how much drugs were in his system and how much nutrients were in there… little to none.

***

Pepper holds tony as he cries over peters life 

Jane holds thor as he blames himself for peter overdosing 

Clint holds Natasha as she blames herself for not seeing it too soon 

Michelle and ned hold onto each other as they pray for their best friend to be well 

And yet…no one held peter as he gasped through his mistakes. 

<>

At 19, peter and Michelle go to the same college and peter maybe…just maybe catches a glimpse of love…

Michelle is spread out beneath him, hands in his hair as he marks her neck 

“peter” she moans when he finds her spot “…oh…god…” she breathes it out 

“I want you” he says kissing her nipple “Michelle…I want you…all of you…” he sucks on it “… so bad…” he pauses and turns to the side. He grabs his water bottle and takes a chug out of it 

“are you-” Michelle leans on her elbows “is that alcohol?” she asks as she catches a whiff of the smell in the air 

“yeah so?” he pushes her down “come on, it isn’t that much anyway” he whispers in her ear and nibbles on it 

“no peter” she tries to push him off, in vain because of his super powers “peter…stop” she struggles underneath him, he bites gently on her neck “pete…” she gasps out in pleasure, all previous thoughts forgotten. 

her hands grip his hair as he explores every inch of her 

“beautiful” he breathes, caressing her inner thighs with his tongue, he places his hand on her stomach and comes up to kiss her 

“absolutely beautiful” he says, nibbling her bottom lip. She breathes… and tries gently to push him away 

“no peter” she says, finally able to think past her hormones “I can’t do this if you have alcohol in your system” she grabs his face and looks at him “I can’t peter” 

He looks at her “what?” 

“I can’t do this peter, not like this” her eyes mist over 

He blinks…once…twice “unbelievable” he gets up and grabs his bottle “I thought you wanted this” he drinks his alcohol like its water 

Michelle looks at him “and I thought you were doing so well” she whispers, grabbing her t-shirt 

He pauses “I am doing well” he protests, trying in vain to set the mood back to what they were doing 

“clearly not” she gets dressed “I can’t believe you, all the energy and effort they are investing in getting you better, the energy I am investing in getting you better and…” she takes a pause “…you do this” sounding resigned, she ties her hair in a ponytail “he might be a billionaire but everything he does… everything they do is for your own good” she packs her bag

“well I don’t fucking want them to” he says ever so casually 

“peter” she places her palm on his cheek “you don’t mean that”

“I do” he looks at her “what do I have to lose huh Michelle? My parents are dead, my second pair of parents died and somehow I’m supposed to be a happy peter? Michelle…I can’t do that” he sounds defeated 

“yes you can” she holds his face in her hands “I know you can” she searches his eyes for something “I know you peter; I know you can stop this… if you don’t, you’re going to lose me and…this-” blinking back her tears, she says “you have to learn to love yourself peter, before I can, before anyone can.” she kisses his forehead “I know you can stop this” she walks out and leaves him in the middle of a mess

He can feel the heat behind his eyes as he pushes back his tears

_She can’t love you_

_She doesn’t love you_

_She won’t love you_ his brain whispers 

“FUCK” he throws his bottle against the wall, spilling the rest of his alcohol on his floor “I was this close to getting laid…dammit” he takes his heroin injections and mixes it with liquid cocaine. He injects himself and sighs as his mind gets hazy and his body gets lazy. 

***

Michelle leans against her door as she looks her phone, the name ‘Rich asshole’ blinking back at her. She sighs and dials it 

“hello?”

“Hi Mr stark, Peter needs help…again” 

Tony sighs on the other side

<>

At 20 Peter does his second year at a rehab centre, as he was deemed unstable after they found him convulsing in his room on his birthday. 

He looks around himself and sees how everyone tries to act like everything is ok 

“peter?” his assigned therapist calls

“yes Mr Henderson?”

“how are you feeling?” 

He takes a long pause before he answers “like shit” he said, looking anywhere but his therapist 

“why is that?” Mr Henderson, a gentle African-American giant who looks like he should be a personal trainer, asks him 

“because…I just realised how much I’ve been troubling everyone when I could’ve just sucked it up and moved on”

“why do you say so” Mr Henderson takes a sip of his tea 

“look around me” peter gestures “Mr stark made sure he got me into one of the best rehab centres just so I could get my shit together” he finally looks at Mr Henderson “all because I couldn’t handle my grief” 

“do you not like it here?” Mr Henderson asks

“I do” he looks at his feet, studying them as if they held all the answers in the world “I like it here, it helps me feel calm and collected… I just miss home that’s all” he shrugs 

Mr Henderson places his cup down “and where’s that peter?” he smiles

“where my family is…where Michelle is” 

Peter looks up and for the first time in a long time, he smiles and truly means it. 

<>

At 22 he smiles as he throws his graduation hat in the air 

“we did it” Michelle smiles as she hugs him tightly

He laughs “yes we did” he kisses her as he spins her, smiling and laughing…filled with joy at last

(Tony and the rest of the avengers organise his graduation surprise party) 

He is full of joy when he enters the tower and he  <s>bursts into tears</s> does not get teary when everyone he knows shouts ‘surprise’ 

He nervously fiddles with his hands and looks at the clock, as time ticks by 

‘everything must be perfect’ he thinks as he talks to tony ‘just like her’ 

“I’m proud of you kid” Tony hugs Peter “and so is everyone including your parents, Ben and May” Peter hugs back and if the hug lasted a little longer than normal, no one mentions it, they just smile. 

Michelle stands outside on the balcony as the sun sets, thinking of how peter had a breakdown last night and how he finally learnt to love himself 

“its nice view huh” peter walks out with a glass of champagne 

“me or the sunset?” she asks, smirking at him 

“you of course” he kisses her cheek and watches the sunset 

Soft music starts playing inside, he grabs her hand “dance with me?” he asks already knowing the answer

They sway gently to the music “you know; I wouldn’t have made it without you” he dips her 

“nah, pretty sure you would’ve” she smiles at him cheekily 

“nope, I don’t think so…it was the thought of me loosing you that made me go to rehab and actually change, you kept me awake each day and kept me going strong at night, when the doors were locked and some tenants offered me heroin” 

“wait, people offer each other heroin in rehab? 

“yep” they spin

“ironic” 

They dance some more until the song ends 

“Thank you Michelle, for always sticking by my side even when I couldn’t do it for myself” he holds her and places his forehead against hers 

“I’ll always be here” she whispers to him as they bask in each other’s presence 

***

Michelle and Peter enter their apartment, grey in colour and filled with the spicey smell from last nights dinner.

“gosh I’m so tired” Michelle says as she takes off her shoes, peter stands by the door, fiddling with his hands again, nervous of his next move 

His stomach dropped, reminding him of the first time he had asked Michelle out. the way his palms were sweaty and his heart racing for the mountains. 

He closes the door behind him “yeah, me too” he takes a seat on the couch 

Michelle in the middle of telling her mom that she was back, hears peter sigh and looks at him. She puts her phone on their coffee table and loops her hands around his neck from behind 

“you ok pete?” she slowly unbuttons his shirt 

“I don’t know Em” he finds her fingers and holds them “I... don’t know”

She walks around the couch and sits next to him, he leans on her shoulder as she plays with his hair 

“wanna talk about it” 

“I don’t really know… if I should… bu- have you felt so nervous that your body just kinda feels cold?”

“yes” she says, slowly untangling his curls “most of the time, I’m just good at hiding it” she smirks at him 

“oh pish posh” he places his hand on her thigh relaxing into her ministrations 

“FRIDAY, play shea butter baby by ari lennox please” peter requests, putting his plan into place 

“playing shea butter baby” the robotic voice answers, seconds later the song plays 

They sit and listen to it, Michelle bopping her head to the song while peter gives himself a pep talk in his head 

‘you can do this; I know you can’

As the song comes to an end, peter sits up straight 

“Em, for the longest time, I didn’t know what true love was and I didn’t know what loving someone meant. Until you came along. I… I swear I had everything planned out, just gimme a minute” he looks at her, as she finally seems to recognise what was happening “when I started doing drugs, I just wanted to stop feeling, I wanted to end it all because I felt like there was no hope for me but then you showed up, dragging me from away from all my demons. I never learned how to love myself or love someone but you taught me that, even when I though love was just the high feeling or just physical intimacy. You taught me how to love myself and to never give up and for that, I am eternally grateful”

he grabbed the ring from his back pocket and got on one knee, she looked at him as if this was all a dream 

“I know we are still young and maybe along the way, we might meet other people which is completely ok but right now, right here, I feel like you are my north star, my sun, my moon and my everything. So Michelle Maree Jones will you marry me?” he held his breathe as he waited for her answer 

“is this real” her voice shook as did her hands “are you serious peter?” she looked at him

“yes I am” 

With each second that passed, he felt like a fool kneeling in front of his girlfriend, maybe he had made the wrong decision-

“yes” she giggled slightly “yes I will marry you Peter Benjamin Parker”

“yeah?”

“yes” 

He placed the ring on her finger and stood up to hug her 

“Thank you” he said, holding onto her tightly, he kissed her and caressed her face “Thank you so much, My North Star”

“My love” she smiled through her happy tears 

They kissed under the lights and vowed silently to always love and cherish each other 

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Always tell your loved ones you love them, you never know, today might just be your last sunset.


End file.
